Also, the list on the back cover is out of order of what I wanted it to be. So the list there and then the list in the post is different.
And fic parts are unbetaed, obviously. They probably go in and out of tenses.
AND originally, frowninghour, this was just a fic but the ending escaped me. I'm sorry if that disappoints you. And it was suppose to be happy and it turned out this way, lol, I am not so good with happy.
Also, Brightly Wound and Eleventeen are m4a because I had no other versions. Sorry.
And, lastly (I think), Enjoy.
signal fire; snow patrol.
i don't want to wait forever
in the confusion and the aftermath,
you are my signal fire.
the only resolution and the only joy,
is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes.
It’s more than the fact that he won’t change me, it’s becoming an insecurity. Does he want to? Does he not want me forever, like he keeps assuring me? If he wanted me forever, wouldn’t he have done it by now?
Today I turn 21. And he’ll forever be 17. Look wise, we still look the same age. But what happens when I’m wrinkling and graying and – I won’t let it happen.
My voice startles him, which is a feat within itself. But we are lying in the darkness of his room.
“I thought you were sleeping,” he replies.
“Why not, Edward? Why?”
He sighs, he doesn’t need to ask what I am talking about. “Bella, I just don’t think it’s the time yet.”
“When will it be time? When I start looking like your mother? When the Volturi finally make good on their promise? When?”
“I don't want to wait forever.”
you are the moon; the hush sound.
the heavy weight of stone.
you don't see what you possess,
a beauty calm and clear
it floods the sky and blurs the darkness
like a chandelier.
It’s not a surprise that he keeps prolonging the act itself. He thinks he’s losing me and I think that he will be gaining me, in every sense.
He doesn’t want to lose me to the thing that will try to tear us apart. I can relate; I don’t want the bloodlust to take over me and make me want it more than him. But the way I feel right now, I don’t see how that could happen.
“Don’t start, Bella.”
Apparently, I was staring.
“I wasn’t even going to say anything!”
He smirks and pulls me closer to the side of his body as we walk behind Jasper and Alice. He kisses the side of my temple as I stumble to walk in unison with his fluid steps.
He elaborates, “I understand this is going to be between us until something happens but I am willing to take that if it keeps you like this. You don’t see what you possess, in this form. You think you are inadequate to me, compared to me. But it’s quite the opposite.”
I sigh. I can’t help it.
i feel it all; feist.
i know more than I knew before.
i didn't rest, I didn't stop.
did we fight, did we talk?
i'll be the one who'll break my heart.
i'll be the one to hold the gun.
If there is one thing I hate more than anything, it’s being in the dark. I hate not knowing. It really irritates me the way that Alice and Edward have these private conversations in their heads that I can’t be apart of. I get paranoid, what if they are talking about me? Is she telling him what I confessed to her earlier?
The look that she gives me after she is done having her stare down with Edward tells me everything, why yes, that is what was going on.
He had extracted the conversation that me and Alice had shared. About him. About us.
The conversation was me, completely letting loose all my fears, things that I thought were weak that I didn’t want him to find out. Not yet.
I looked to Alice’s guilty eyes to Edward’s. They looked like they were giving me pity. Oh great.
Play dumb, “What?”
“Nothing. I know more than I knew before.”
you do; until june.
to face me staring back.
i'll see you sometime soon.
if only I could see the way you do.
the midnight air it blows between my fingertips.
I'm out of the Cullen house and aimlessly walk. I needed out of there. Because now I’m 22 and they thought they should celebrate it. They think that I would be happy to be another year older.
Edward should have know better.
I walk in the general direction of the forest and I really should know better, but I walk without looking back.
I end up in a clearing and collapse to the ground. No, I won’t cry. I won’t.
I look at the stars and the midnight air, it goes between my fingertips and swipes lightly at my face.
I get a surprise when Emmett walks through the clearing. “Hey Bella.”
He just sits and that’s what I need. Silence is our conversation and soon it becomes too much for Emmett to handle.
“So you want to go have some real fun?”
I smile, “What do you have in mind?”
chocolate; snow patrol.
just because i'm sorry doesn't mean,
i didn't enjoy it at the time.
you're the only thing that i love.
scares me more every day.
on my knees I think clearer.
"You’re the only thing that I love, you know this, right?” asks Edward.
“Okay?” I say, uncertainly, confused at what brought this upon him.
He kissed my cheek and then there is a knock at the door.
In walks some of the most beautiful people I have ever seen, including the Cullen family. And I don’t need an introduction to know who they are. They are the Denali coven.
Tanya; despite never seeing her, I know who she is; walks straight up to Edward and gives him a kiss on the cheek. Apparently I am invisible. A human.
Edward’s whole body is tense, “Hello Tanya.”
She just smiles brightly and walks back to her family.
setting up sunday; meg and dia.
and i'm lost and alone now my lovers gone.
and i'm lost and alone.
kid i'm right here and i'm not leaving.
and there's no way to make you stay.
but I'm saving all my worries for the day you don't need me.
Her presence makes me uneasy, not matter what. The one time that I was alone with Tanya, Alice came barreling down the steps, eyes wide. I can only assume that something nasty would have happened if she hadn’t have seen it first.
I spend more time at home, to Edward’s dismay.
“You really have no reason to be threatened,” he says.
“I’m not threatened by the two of you, don’t worry. I am threatened by the way that she looks at me.”
He sighs but lets me go. I hope that he knows that I am lying.
“There’s no way to make you stay.” I respond at his retreating form. He stops, but doesn’t turn around. I continue, “There’s no way to make you pick me over her if it comes down to it. I can’t control this situation. So I’m letting you.”
He continues walking.
eleventeen; kimya dawson.
you may feel strange, well, you are an angel.
stuck in tight pants, stuck at a high school dance.
stuck doing people things, not knowing you have wings.
you are my serenade, you are my lemonade.
you are my soul, throw it all out the window.
He comes later that night and it’s more than I can take. Just leave. Just leave. Just leave.
He curls his cold body into mine, “I want you. Just you.”
“I feel like I’m confining you. It’s like you are stuck doing people things, not knowing that you have wings. You are so much better than me. You deserve much better. And if you aren’t going to make us equal, by changing me, then what’s the point?”
“Because I love you.”
“Is that enough?”
brightly wound; eisley.
when i open my eyes,
i'm still taken by surprise,
you have shining eyes,
yes like those forest lights,
and it makes me want to cry.
He’s decided to change me. After 6 odd years of waiting, it’s going to be done. Part of me thinks that it’s a compromise but the bigger part of me hopes that this is what he wants too.
I’m scared. No doubt. But to celebrate the occasion, Emmett and Alice take me cliff diving. Emmett has always been jealous of the fact that I got to do it but he never did.
“So, you’re going to be my sister than, I guess.” Emmett comments offhandly.
I scream in delight in my head while Alice does it openly.
I shrug, “Do you approve?”
He just grins at me and gestures to the cliff, “Ladies first.”
I hesitate, I’m not sure why. Emmett calls my bluff, “I thought you said you’ve done this before.”
He doesn’t give me time to respond before he jumps off.
I’m still taken by surprise at Emmett’s abruptness. I think that is my favorite part of him, though. Not being afraid of anything, even as a vampire that is an unusual trait.
I follow him closely, “Geronimo!”
wrap myself around you; kill hannah.
in this factory it's cranks and shafts that shatter glass,
from the streets a massive noise.
tanks and atom bombs explode but i can only hear your voice.
i wanna wrap myself around you,
so you can never get away.
It happens. He changes me.
I’m forever 22 and I couldn’t be happier. Even as the pain rips through my body, I am ecstatic.
You are mine and I am yours and that’s all I can really ask for.
Throughout the three days, I can only hear your voice.
It must be a pain to hear nothing but my screams but Edward is by my side and I couldn’t be happier.
beating like a drum; eskimo joe.
swaying to the rhythm of a heart that is now lost.
so tell me that i'm wrong.
tell me that there's consequence.
or do you still remember me alive?
beating like a drum
He’s been quiet all week. In fact, I don’t think he’s said a word to me. He just stares. I admit, I look different. But I am still Bella.
The first time I feed, he doesn’t even look at me.
My constant companions for the first three weeks is Alice and Carlisle. The only time Edward is around me is when we happen to be in the bedroom together. But even then, he runs out. Am I wrong to him now?
I confront him, it’s gone to far. “Do you still remember me alive? Is that your problem?”
He surprises me by answering, “Yes.”